Our letters are printed and being shipped tonight to us! A full 4 business days sooner than they thought they would get in the mail which is awesome! By this time next week we should have them and be ready to go active! It will be nice to start out a new month with an active profile. Plus when we go to group session in two weeks we will have some news to tell everyone that we are officially on the waiting list!
Well it is officially approved and we have submitted the proof approval to the printing company. I am getting so excited to get the letters in the mail so we are active and can hopefully start finding a match for our future son or daughter.
After ordering them today it says that the latest we will have the printed letters is April 8th, 2013 but I really hope that we get them sooner than that because even those 2 or 3 weeks seems like so much wasted time. The letter approval process took a lot longer than I would have thought at the beginning and what makes it even more shocking is that we didn’t have as many revisions as most people end up needing.
Our friends that are going through the same process are having a lot more frustrations around getting everything approved. We started the birthmother letter process around the same time and at this point we are printing and they are only now getting ready to submit the soft copy for full approval. I think it will probably take them another 3 weeks to be at the same place as us. It is a shame because I know they are really excited to get active as well and their main problem has been around photographs for the letter.
Now that I got to hit print it seems almost anti-climactic though since there is still a couple weeks time between this and when we will have them in our hands.
Finally got everything straightened out with the proof and we will have a new one in the mail today and hopefully get it tomorrow. If we can get it tomorrow then we can drop it off and hopefully have the approval by Friday this week to start the ordering process.
Found out that they don’t do a hard proof after the first one unless you call and request. It would have been nice to know that though last week or we wouldn’t have missed all weekend on waiting for the proof. The one upside is that my mom was able to read through the soft copy proof online this past weekend and she found a small typo. While I am sure that it would be missed by most people and would not be a big deal I really don’t want any typos if someone has seen it.
That meant fixing the layout over the weekend and then getting the new proof ordered. If this proof has an issue though I might go a little insane because I am ready to be finished with this part of the process and active in their system. I am anxious, nervous, and excited all at once for that time when we can be searched for online.
Getting a little annoyed with how easily some people can spend money and just how much money they have to spend. I know that I probably don’t know their entire financial situation but I see people able to spend what they want when they want to and it is aggravating me.
I am not exactly a spend thrift in the first place but with all of these expenses we have had for fertility and now adoption it has made our budget a little tighter so that we can make sure we have everything we need when we need it and won’t have to take out a loan. While I would take out a loan if it was absolutely necessary to complete the adoption I know that if we save and are careful with our money it won’t come to that.
I know that we have taken some awesome vacations in the past but for what we spent they were never the cost of what they should have been due to using miles and points. With this year not being able to afford a full vacation and we couldn’t afford one last year either it just makes me wish we made more money or had less expenses so that we could go on one. In the long run having a baby is better than having a couple vacations though!
Found out today that some friends of ours are pregnant. While I am trying to be happy for them my gut reaction was jealousy. I am kind of glad I didn’t find out in person with them or I might not have been able to hide my feelings and just show the happiness that I do have that they are going to have a baby.
The first thing I thought about and had a hard time getting over in my head was why it was so easy for them. We know that they had not been trying for long before getting pregnant and it just makes me realize just how unfair things can be at times. When I start thinking like that I inevitably start thinking about my disability and all my surgeries and how things might have been different if I hadn’t needed all of those surgeries. I know that I can’t change what has already happened but I still sit there and stew over the possibilities.
It is actually kind of cute though because they are excited we are at the point we are in the adoption process so that our first kids will hopefully be close in age to each other. She is still early in her pregnancy and isn’t due until the beginning of October so even if it takes us the normal 14 months once active to adopt then our kids would only be about seven months apart and would effectively be able to grow up together.
Well after attending the meeting last night it is good to know that some of the same thoughts and feelings I have been having are shared by others. I go through each day for the most part and don’t think about all the things we have gone through in the last couple years. Then at the slightest phrase or sight I will get really frustrated with the curve balls that life has thrown our way.
Getting used to what those triggers are and trying to remind myself that I can’t change the situation since there is nothing I can do differently is something that will help it get easier over time and I know that.
Another lesson learned, is just how long some of the people we have been meeting have struggled with fertility before starting adoption. As it was, for us we had a set amount of time in mind before we would reevaluate the situation and that really helped because right before we decided to stop fertility treatments I was having a lot more stress each month with no results. Plus towards the end people knew we were trying and would ask how things were going which on one hand is sweet of them to ask but on the other it was getting harder and harder to talk about it, as it seemed like the chances of something working were getting smaller and smaller.
Now I know that I am never going to be fully over the feelings of being inadequate because I couldn’t get pregnant, but I know some of my triggers and that is the first step in learning to deal with it.
I’m sitting here at work and should really be actually doing work but all I seem to be able to do is think about the adoption process and Google articles online on adoption. I can’t stop reading articles written by those mothers and fathers that have adopted a child and are dealing with all the things that most parents don’t have to deal with.
While I am excited to be a mother and can’t wait for that day when we find out we will be adopting a precious little boy or girl I am at the same time terrified on what will come next. I know I can take care of a baby and have had lots of practice over the years with cousins, nieces, nephews, kids that I babysat, and etc. but that isn’t what I am worried about.
What I am worrying about is the years to follow and the questions that are inevitable to be asked of us as they start to be more curious of their past. We walked into open adoption so that we would either know the answers or have a connection to someone who could get those answers. How will I deal with those questions and the feelings that I am sure I will have when asked why they aren’t with their birth parents or who they would have been if we hadn’t adopted them.
I know from doing my own research that I would not be comfortable with a closed adoption and not telling my child from the very beginning that they are adopted. It is bound to cause even more problems for them and us if we are carrying around this huge secret and hiding a part of their past. At the same time knowing I couldn’t do it I also am thinking how emotionally it would be easier if I could pretend that the child we adopted was not given to us by someone who couldn’t take care of their own child but also that I had given birth to them.
Tonight we are going to a seminar with our adoption agency that is going to be about fertility issues with adoption. I hadn’t thought about this being another obstacle we would have to face as parents until we found our agency and had our first several meetings with them. I had a hard time with all the fertility issues we had and the fact that we couldn’t get pregnant on our own let alone with the help of medicine and professionals. We came to the decision of adoption being the best path for us when I couldn’t take the emotional rollercoaster of trying any longer.
The hard part about the fertility issues is that the doctors all said that it would be difficult for us to get pregnant but not that we wouldn’t be able to have a child of our own. Part of me feels like I gave up too soon and what would have happened if we had kept trying to conceive. It almost would have been easier if we had too many issues and were told outright that it was not possible for us to have our own child. That doubt in my head is so hard to deal with as it is, what about when we adopt a child will all those emotions just be magnified and greater?
These thoughts make it a good thing that we will have a group meeting tonight on the topic of fertility issues at least and it might allow me to put some of my fears to rest or at any rate learn some things we could do to make the transition easier and cope with the thoughts we have. I also am interested in finding out how Andy feels about this and if he has some of the same fears about fertility that I have been having.
Well today is mainly just going to be a quick update on how everything is going in the process. We finally got the information back on our layout for the birthmother letter. While the changes were small and easy to do, we finished them tonight, we are both a little annoyed that some of these text changes had not been brought up earlier in this process.
From here we are really hoping to get a fast answer that we changed everything that was needed and it is now approved for us to start the printing process. Since we have an approved home study, waiting on this to be completed is annoying because if it was already complete we could already be waiting for contact from a birth family.
I know in some ways I should be happy that it is taking a few extra weeks to get through everything because I was so worried about the money being there when we got the call about adoption but at this point I am just ready to be a mom and let my money worries be gone.
We have an approved home study! Glad that part is done for the next year at least. I am not looking forward to keeping all those forms updated if the adoption takes longer than we hope but in the end a little paperwork is a minor thing to deal with for an end result of a little baby boy or girl.
I was a little shocked that we got it back as approved as fast as we did since it was supposed to take up to 6 weeks after the home visit and it has only been about 3 at this point. It is only good news though that it is approved early so I am definitely not going to complain about how fast they went.
Now I am kicking myself for not finishing the text on the birthmother letter sooner than I had. I had written almost all of it and gotten pictures gathered by the end of December and then I left the last section that needed written for another couple weeks for some reason. If I hadn’t we might actually have finished with that step by now too, but all well it will be done soon enough!
The drawer pulls for the dressers should be on the door step tonight! So excited to finish the dressers and see how the room is going. There are so many things that I want to do in the baby’s room and I am anxious to get started on all the other projects I have my mind on. Most of the bigger projects will have to wait until we have a little more money (i.e. finished paying the adoption agency fees) but some of the smaller ones for adding color to the room can start!