I’m sitting here at work and should really be actually doing work but all I seem to be able to do is think about the adoption process and Google articles online on adoption. I can’t stop reading articles written by those mothers and fathers that have adopted a child and are dealing with all the things that most parents don’t have to deal with.
While I am excited to be a mother and can’t wait for that day when we find out we will be adopting a precious little boy or girl I am at the same time terrified on what will come next. I know I can take care of a baby and have had lots of practice over the years with cousins, nieces, nephews, kids that I babysat, and etc. but that isn’t what I am worried about.
What I am worrying about is the years to follow and the questions that are inevitable to be asked of us as they start to be more curious of their past. We walked into open adoption so that we would either know the answers or have a connection to someone who could get those answers. How will I deal with those questions and the feelings that I am sure I will have when asked why they aren’t with their birth parents or who they would have been if we hadn’t adopted them.
I know from doing my own research that I would not be comfortable with a closed adoption and not telling my child from the very beginning that they are adopted. It is bound to cause even more problems for them and us if we are carrying around this huge secret and hiding a part of their past. At the same time knowing I couldn’t do it I also am thinking how emotionally it would be easier if I could pretend that the child we adopted was not given to us by someone who couldn’t take care of their own child but also that I had given birth to them.
Tonight we are going to a seminar with our adoption agency that is going to be about fertility issues with adoption. I hadn’t thought about this being another obstacle we would have to face as parents until we found our agency and had our first several meetings with them. I had a hard time with all the fertility issues we had and the fact that we couldn’t get pregnant on our own let alone with the help of medicine and professionals. We came to the decision of adoption being the best path for us when I couldn’t take the emotional rollercoaster of trying any longer.
The hard part about the fertility issues is that the doctors all said that it would be difficult for us to get pregnant but not that we wouldn’t be able to have a child of our own. Part of me feels like I gave up too soon and what would have happened if we had kept trying to conceive. It almost would have been easier if we had too many issues and were told outright that it was not possible for us to have our own child. That doubt in my head is so hard to deal with as it is, what about when we adopt a child will all those emotions just be magnified and greater?
These thoughts make it a good thing that we will have a group meeting tonight on the topic of fertility issues at least and it might allow me to put some of my fears to rest or at any rate learn some things we could do to make the transition easier and cope with the thoughts we have. I also am interested in finding out how Andy feels about this and if he has some of the same fears about fertility that I have been having.