I have been doing some research on questions and thoughts to think about during initial conversations with potential birthparent matches. I came across the following list and I think it really covers all the key points that we should think about when we talk to these potential matches. If I can tell that the match would not be beneficial or was the wrong fit from the beginning I don’t think I could cut the call off as opinions can change but I think I want to print this off and keep it with our contact binder to keep these thoughts in the front of my mind and to help steer the conversation to helping determine about matches.
- Can you see yourself being friends with this person?
- Can you see your family and friends welcoming her/him into their circle?
- Do you share common interests and beliefs?
- Are you comfortable with the amount of contact she/he is wanting and are you realistically able to agree to it?
- Are you willing to embrace this potential birthmother’s child, including race, ethnicity, prenatal exposures, mental health history, and physical health history?
- Are you comfortable letting the birthparents make decisions that are right for them, even if you would choose something different?
- Are you comfortable, based on the information you know about the birth family and the situation, moving forward?
I think that turning away from a potential match will be one of the hardest parts of this time during the adoption process but I also know that if we match with someone we don’t think is the right fit for us it will mean including that person in our lives (in some form or another) for the rest of our lifetime.
People in group have talked about how when they matched they knew right away it was the right birthmother for them and that they just seemed to click right away. It seems odd to me to think that will ever happen for us but hope that it does and the situation just seems to fit everyone involved.