Open Adoption Relationships

Andy and I have met some great people through our agency and even got to meet birth parents and adoptive parents that have already been through the match, placement, and the beyond. It seems like the people we have met are the best case scenario and we could only hope for a birth mother like those we have met to be who chooses us in the future.

Since we haven’t had to go through it yet we wonder what the match meeting will be like and if we will have to negotiate what we want/need in forms of contact or if everyone will already be in agreement as to what they want. It can seem kind of scary to invite a stranger into your life for the rest of your and their life but at the same time we hope that our birth mother wants to be somewhat involved with the family and not just want pictures and emails.

We have heard that over time the amount of contact we have from the birth mother will likely become less frequent as their lives go a different direction. While you can understand how as people change as they get older and will hopefully have lives of their own to keep them busy (different jobs, school, marriage, other children, etc.), as the child who was adopted gets older I hope for their sake they have contact with their birth mom still to be able to ask questions about their heritage.

In the one call we had with a potential birth mother the amount of contact she wanted seemed a little scary to us just because she lived so far away and wanted contact on specific dates of the year when typically we aren’t always home but with our respective families instead. If she had been a local birth mom though I think Andy and I would have been happy to have that much contact and would figure out what that would have meant.


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