From a birth mother’s perspective:
You are abandoning your child – When having a child the mother usually starts making a plan for her child so that the child can have the best life that she can give them. In the case of adoption that plan just doesn’t include the birth mother as the one caring for the child and watching them grow every day. They are doing what they can to ensure that the child’s needs are met first and worrying about their needs second. It is a very brave act to decide to place a child for adoption.
You don’t know where your child will end up – In open adoption the birth mother (and father) select the adoptive parents that will be receiving the child after placement. They can decide what type of family they want their child to be in and can select people that have similar interests/hobbies as they themselves have. This allows them to know exactly where their child will end up and know the people that are going to raise them.
You won’t know if your child is doing well – Luckily we are doing an open adoption and this myth should never come into play. There will be photos and updates of how the child and family are doing whenever the birth mother wants and depending on the match arrangement there could also be in person contact as well. They will get to see their child and get affirmation as to how well their child is doing as they grow up.
From an adoptive mother’s perspective:
The birth mother will try and take the child back – If you have an agency that will work to make sure that the birth mother and birth father are making the right decision for themselves and that they are truly making their decision for themselves then the chance of having them change their mind after placement is much smaller.
Adoption takes a long time – The process of adoption can take a long time depending on what your circumstances are for the adoption. However, if you go into the process without having a lot of restrictions on gender, race, disability (physical or mental), expenses, etc. then the adoption might not take as long as some people will think. Our agency has an average wait time for expecting families of 14 months only. That means it is just a few months longer than a pregnancy would take.
You might not love your adopted child – You might not pick the child up and immediately feel undying love for your child after placement but as you bond with the child you will have the same connection to them as any other child and parent has. I don’t think Andy or I will have any issues with loving whatever child we adopt as we already feel so much and we don’t even have a match or placement yet.
From the child’s perspective:
My birth parents didn’t love me – They will actually have information directly from the birth parents in an open adoption usually of why they were placed for adopted and that the reason had nothing to do with how much or how little they loved them but with other parts of their lives not being ready for a child.