Things Not to Say to Adoptive Parents

Below are some things that either we have heard or friends of ours have heard during the adoption process. Adoption is a long process and can be very stressful emotionally and these comments or questions can make things worse sometimes. Please ask questions about the adoption and how it is going in general but be careful about how things can seem from the point of view of the adoptive parents. At the end of it all we know that everything we have had to go through and likely still will go through will all be worth it.

  1. “Well at least you won’t have to deal with being pregnant.”  – If the person tried to get pregnant then they truly do not feel the same as you about the ability to get pregnant or not and if they didn’t try and get pregnant there might be reasons for that.
  2. “As soon as you adopt you will get pregnant.” – Not all fertility issues are due to stress and not all couples adopt from fertility issues.
  3. “Did you look at adopting from other countries?” – Families that pursue adoption usually spend a lot of time and energy researching what type and form of adoption is the best option for them. It would be more appropriate to ask why they choose the form of adoption that they are pursuing.
  4. “Do you get to pick if it is a boy or girl?” – This one we talk about a lot, for one some agencies do allow this but not all do. We are pretty open with our adoption profile (what type of match we will accept in adoption) but not all people are so I would instead ask how their agency matches them with potential children.
  5. “Be careful that the mother didn’t do drugs, drink, smoke, etc.” – If an adoptive parent chooses to be open to those things then you telling her why those things are issues is probably not new information. Being open to adopting a child that has FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) , addicted to drugs, or anything else usually requires looking into what long term affects they will need to be worried about and how to deal with them.
  6. Any horror story that you know about adoption – We have heard them all as either a perspective adoptive parent or one that has already become an adoptive parent and we don’t need to be reminded of all the things that can go wrong in the process as it will be hard enough without dwelling on those situations.
  7. “You want to have contact with the birth mother, what if she changes her mind?” – We know that contact with the birth mother will be better for everyone involved in our adoption story. A better question would be to ask how much contact and what type of contact we have with the birth mother.
  8. “Are you going to tell insert child name here that they were adopted?” – Well yes, for one we could potentially adopt a child of a different race so it will be obvious but also because it is better for them to know as much information as they can about where they come from and how they became a part of our family.
  9. “How much did she/he cost?” – We aren’t buying a house, car, or any other merchandise, we are adopting a child. If you are close enough with the couple it might be ok to ask them about the expenses for getting a completed home study but don’t say it in a way where you are implying that they are buying a child.
  10. “What about surrogacy, have you thought about that?” – Not every person feels that their child needs to be genetically tied to them or surrogacy might not be an option for others, you don’t know why or how they have chosen adoption and questioning their choice can be hurtful to them potentially.

Car Seats

We now have two great car seats ready for whenever we place with a child. One we bought on sale at babies r us and the other was from my aunt Laura who doesn’t need it any longer for her son. Other than a stroller this was one of the last big things that we needed to purchase in the process of getting our baby room done.

What do you think? 🙂

Infant and Convertible Car Seats

Infant and Convertible Car Seats

Group Meeting January 2014

Last week Andy and I were able to attend the group meeting for our adoption agency for the first time in a while. It was great to meet some new people and to discuss some more topics with everyone. The meeting was originally about the birth mothers emotions and experiences leading up to and during the adoption process.
It was great to talk about it from their perspective and to help understand what situations they might be coming from. It touches on some of the myths that people have about adoption and how that might affect the support that they receive from the people around them as they consider the idea of placing for adoption.
After hearing about the different emotions that they might be going through when they are considering or making an adoption plan it makes me realize that we should be thinking about that during contact. We hope to be there to support them through their decision no matter what that is. After having three contacts we have been sad when they didn’t work out but also glad that the birth mother made the right choice for her and her child at that time. Hopefully, we will soon find that birth mother that makes the decision to choose us to place with.
Once we had finished discussing that topic we were all talking about any thoughts or things that we have questions about and we found out that in the group that was there it was about 50/50 on those who have started a baby room and those that haven’t. It was cool to get their reasons on why they have or haven’t started the process of setting up a babies room. As we have posted earlier our baby room is probably 90% complete with us now working on just some decorative touches here and there and continuing to buy more things for the baby when we have the money or see something we like.

The Hinze Holiday Christmas 2014

We started the Christmas Holiday celebrations off with a party at Stephanie’s parents’ house. They have one every year for the people in their neighborhood and we always go and catch up with some friends from there. There is always good food and good company every year and this one was no exception. It was a lot of fun and Stephanie even got to hold little baby Mia, granddaughter of a friend, for a couple hours.

Stephanie's mom, Cay, and her at the holiday party

Stephanie’s mom, Cay, and her at the holiday party

Stephanie and baby Mia

Stephanie and baby Mia

Andy and Stephanie at the party

Andy and Stephanie at the party

A week later it was time to pack up the dogs in the car and make the long trip up north to visit Andy’s family and friends. We made good time in the car despite the bad rain and having two dogs in the backseat. When we arrived we were greeted with a little snow already on the ground, really just a light dusting, and Jasmine (our Chihuahua) was not thrilled with the idea of it at all. Etta on the other hand really had a blast when we got more snow later in the week for her to run around in.

Etta in the snow

Etta in the snow

We spent the next 7 days spending time with friends and family in the area. We hung out with some of Andy’s high school friends at Buffalo Wild Wings, had dinner and lunch with several different friends, went to the casino with Andy’s cousin and her girlfriend, and of course spent Christmas day at his parents’ house. At the casino Andy ended up down and Stephanie ended up winning so all was good there! Although, Andy’s dad Ken was the big winner of the trip and even got his picture taken for hitting one of the big wins on a slot machine.

Cheryl and Stephanie at lunch

Cheryl and Stephanie at lunch

Stephanie and Brandon hanging out

Stephanie and Brandon hanging out

Ken, Jane, Andy, and Stephanie at the casino

Ken, Jane, Andy, and Stephanie at the casino

Missy, Jenny, Ken, Andy, and Stephanie in the parking lot of the casino.

Missy, Jenny, Ken, Andy, and Stephanie in the parking lot of the casino.

Christmas itself this year had a nice casual day to just relax at his parents’ house since the rest of the trip was so busy traveling around visiting friends and family. Of course we got to open all of the great gifts that we got this year and have cinnamon pecan rolls in the morning. To finish it off Andy’s dad cooked some steaks on the grill for an awesome dinner.

Andy and Stephanie Christmas morning while opening gifts

Andy and Stephanie Christmas morning while opening gifts (you can even see Stephanie’s minion Dave in the corner)

Andy's mom, Jane, opening some of her gifts

Andy’s mom, Jane, opening some of her gifts

Stephanie with a picture frame for the babies room from Andy's parents.

Stephanie with a picture frame for the babies room from Andy’s parents.

The day after Christmas, after we had eaten lunch with Stephanie’s old teammate, we were driving and managed to hit something in the road. At first we thought it was just a flat tire, and after getting the spare on, we dropped the car off to get it changed at one of the local tire chains. Several hours later we found out that in addition to a flat tire we also had a dented and cracked rim, and would need to get it replaced. Luckily, the next day we found a Volkswagen dealer that had one in stock and got the car fixed in time for us to head home to Georgia.

With a few less gifts in the car we had some spare space to get in some new items. Andy’s mom used to be a nanny and had some baby items that she doesn’t need any longer and gave them to us. So now we have a high chair, new born rocker, and a swing. It was great to get these as we are now even closer to having all the baby stuff bought for the nursery or house. I can’t believe how much of it we have gotten for free or cheap so far and it will all definitely come in handy!

All together it was a great way to spend the end of our year with each other and with family and friends! We are looking forward to the next year and everything that it might bring!

Ringing in a New Year

Andy and I decided to host a neighborhood party this year for New Years Eve (kids included). It ended up being a lot of fun and it was great having so much noise in the house!

We had about 25 to 30 people in our house including the kids and everyone seemed to have a great time. The kids ran all over the place playing with some of the toys and games we have or just watching the TV. Meanwhile the adults ate and drank all the delicious things that were made and brought while catching up after the holidays. We even met a couple of our neighbors that we previously didn’t know have talked about getting together in the future more often!

When we first moved into the neighborhood we hoped to meet some new friends and find some people to hang out with and we definitely have. Even though it has been over a year since we moved in we are now starting to find our place in the neighborhood and to meet and get to know more and more of the neighbors. The great thing is that there are lots of people with kids in the neighborhood so when we add our own to the mix there will be lots of people around to play with!

Here is to hoping for a great New Year and a new addition to our little family!

Christmas Holiday Traditions

Over the last couple weeks things have been busy for us with the holidays and visiting family and friends. I’ll give a recap over all of that in another post (hopefully later today still). Right now I want to talk about some of the family traditions we can’t wait to share with children and some that we hope to start when we have children.

Making our own ornaments and gifts for family members. It seems like everyone with kids make ornaments using hand prints or foot prints lately. My siblings have also made platters and other things to either use or display with their kids prints all over them. I have seen so many cute ideas through Pinterest or Facebook that I can’t wait to start doing our own each year to hang on our tree and to give away!

Andy’s family has always had little mail boxes on their Christmas tree for everyone and inside they get money from their grandma. I think this is awesome and think it would be great to continue this tradition with maybe a letter about how good they have been that year as well from Santa. It would make for a great album where you could store the letter and go back in time to read all the good things that each child has done over the years.

Christmas morning Cinnamon Pecan Rolls! Need I say more! Ok so I will say a little more about it, both of our families have a tradition of cooking and eating them in the morning after opening all the wonderful Christmas gifts! It was always a great break from constant playing with the gifts to spend a little time with the family before all the kids disappeared to play with their toys.

Have our very own Christmas Express “Train” to go and look at Christmas lights (another idea from Pinterest). Probably not too entertaining for a baby but what little kid doesn’t like looking at Christmas lights! We would basically leave a train ticket in the bed for the kids the night we are going out and when they see them at bed time instead of climbing in we will climb into the car and go on an adventure. As they get older we can provide the hot chocolate and popcorn as we listen to Christmas music and drive around to see the lights.

Finally, in the end, the thing we look forward to the most is spending time around the holidays with our family doing all kinds of crafts, baking cookies, decorating the tree, watching Christmas movies, and everything else that comes with the season in our house!