Moving Up on the Search List

So in the last week Andy and I have realized we have made it to page 19 (out of 45) on our agency’s site when searching for potential adoptive families. The search shows the longest waiting families first and goes to the most recent families that have started on the journey. While we sit and think back that just under 14 months ago we were on the last page of the list it is exciting to see that we have moved up so many pages. This means that not only are people that have been waiting longer finally having their families started or extended by a wonderful new addition but it should also mean that we are getting closer to that day for ourselves.

This part is frustrating at times though as well because the lower the number of page we are on means the longer we have waited so far.While we try and keep it in perspective and that we are just now coming up to the average wait time for families within our agency, we could also be one of the families that waits much longer than the average and still be at the beginning of our journey.

Andy and I try and stay positive and most of the time we succeed at this by not putting much focus on the waiting and more on the preparing. As we start to finish the last few details of the nursery though we have started to turn to other projects around the house that would be nice to have done before we are consumed with being new parents. Luckily this list seems to be never ending and we shouldn’t be able to run out of tasks before the wait is finally over. Who knows if we do start to run out of things to do maybe we will take one of our dream vacations to relax and get away.

Every time I see that we have moved up though through the pages it makes me smile because that means that those people, who have been waiting longer than us, are finally through the waiting and have brought home a wonderful little boy or girl to raise and cherish.

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An Open Letter To An Apprehensive Pre-Adoptive Father (and then my views)

Hi everyone, Andy here. It has been awhile since I have posted on here, and I wanted to share with you some feelings I had about a blerb I read. you can read the story by following the link below. But I wanted to take a few moments walk through this story and share my feelings.

First of all, while struggling with the reality that Stephanie and I would not have a biological child, I went through a phase. That phase was realizing that my “genes” would not continue that my biological family would no longer grow. It was hard for me for three reasons.

I lost my Grandfather early on during our (continuing) adoption journey. Then we lost his brother this year. There are precious few Hinzes’ left. The other factor is that my father is struggling with a form of Dimensia. I am one of two Hinze boys left. A hard pill to swallow just being 38 years old.  But this story isn’t just about me, it is about Stephanie and I, and a new generation of Hinzes.

I no longer wonder why we can’t do this biologically, and I no longer worry about another “blood” Hinze. I realized through it all, that no matter how it happens, I have always just wanted to be a dad. It was that simple. I realize this when I am with our friends’ kids. I treat them as if they are our own. We recently went to the outlet mall nearby with a couple that we’ve known a long time, and their two girls, during that trip, we took the girls to the playground while mom and dad shopped alone. I think we had more fun than the parents did.

I was never aprehensive about adoption, in fact while we were in the process of fertility drugs, Stephanie and I discussed at length adoption, and researched our options. Once we decided to stop fertility, and move towards adoption, we just had to sign up, the research was done. We were always aware of adoption growing up. We both have friends that have adopted, or been adopted and we feel like its the right choice for people to consider.

The writer mentions emotional attachment, or detachment is a real thing. Sure we’ll worry about that at the time of placement, but I feel at this point there is no way that we wouldn’t immediately feel attached to our new child. He or she will also have her biological family to get to know and will learn more about himself/herself through that relationship as it grows along side ours.

So I am going to worry less, and love more. We have a love that we share with eachother and it is ready to be shared with a child.

http://www.confessionsofaparent.com/an-open-letter-to-an-apprehensive-pre-adoptive-father/

Installing a Car Seat

Andy and I recently tried to install the infant car seat that we bought into the Jetta just in case we get a last minute call. We don’t want to be picking up a baby and worried that we don’t know how to install it or that the seat isn’t installed correctly.

We got the seat into the car and level, although it seemed to be moving a lot more than it is supposed to (they are only suppose to move up to an inch when it is latched/belted down). We tried to tighten the straps more for the seat but they just weren’t getting any tighter. Next there needed to be a stop at the fire house to find out what we are doing wrong or what we need to do better.

Andy took the car to the fire house, since I was out of town, by himself and they helped him to get the seat in the car better and now it is much more secure. They also instructed him on how to properly have a child strapped into the seat and how to tighten/loosen the straps as needed. Although we would have liked to put the seat in the middle it just wasn’t going to work in this car with this particular seat.

Our installed car seat is finally ready whenever we do adopt!

Installed Car Seat

Struggling With the Adoption Wait

The wait for a placement is a roller-coaster of emotion that you hope will end soon. Most days everything is fine, we are both so busy with life in general that I don’t think or dwell too much on the fact that we are still not parents. Other days though it hits me like a ton of bricks, whether it is from hearing someone is now expecting, being around children, thinking about how ‘easy’ compared to us some people have at becoming parents, etc. Although we are always happy for those friends and family that have children already or are blessed to be expecting a child, we can get a little disheartened for ourselves.

I am trying to be positive that it will happen and that we will soon be a family of 3 (or more) instead of just 2 but sometimes no matter what I do I can’t get out of that funk. I try and think about all the good things we do have in our lives right now and remember all the things we are working on while we have time. The problem usually ends up being that we are expecting too just with an undetermined length of pregnancy. Without knowing when that end date is it can feel like it might never happen. I think that even if we had for example another year to wait until we adopt I could deal easier knowing the date than not having any date for sure but actually adopting in 3 months.

Hopefully, my current state of anger/sadness/frustration with everything will pass just as quickly as it started. If it doesn’t I will be spending a lot of time with family and friends this weekend and will be too busy to stress over it so I know it will pass soon.