An Open Letter To An Apprehensive Pre-Adoptive Father (and then my views)

Hi everyone, Andy here. It has been awhile since I have posted on here, and I wanted to share with you some feelings I had about a blerb I read. you can read the story by following the link below. But I wanted to take a few moments walk through this story and share my feelings.

First of all, while struggling with the reality that Stephanie and I would not have a biological child, I went through a phase. That phase was realizing that my “genes” would not continue that my biological family would no longer grow. It was hard for me for three reasons.

I lost my Grandfather early on during our (continuing) adoption journey. Then we lost his brother this year. There are precious few Hinzes’ left. The other factor is that my father is struggling with a form of Dimensia. I am one of two Hinze boys left. A hard pill to swallow just being 38 years old.  But this story isn’t just about me, it is about Stephanie and I, and a new generation of Hinzes.

I no longer wonder why we can’t do this biologically, and I no longer worry about another “blood” Hinze. I realized through it all, that no matter how it happens, I have always just wanted to be a dad. It was that simple. I realize this when I am with our friends’ kids. I treat them as if they are our own. We recently went to the outlet mall nearby with a couple that we’ve known a long time, and their two girls, during that trip, we took the girls to the playground while mom and dad shopped alone. I think we had more fun than the parents did.

I was never aprehensive about adoption, in fact while we were in the process of fertility drugs, Stephanie and I discussed at length adoption, and researched our options. Once we decided to stop fertility, and move towards adoption, we just had to sign up, the research was done. We were always aware of adoption growing up. We both have friends that have adopted, or been adopted and we feel like its the right choice for people to consider.

The writer mentions emotional attachment, or detachment is a real thing. Sure we’ll worry about that at the time of placement, but I feel at this point there is no way that we wouldn’t immediately feel attached to our new child. He or she will also have her biological family to get to know and will learn more about himself/herself through that relationship as it grows along side ours.

So I am going to worry less, and love more. We have a love that we share with eachother and it is ready to be shared with a child.

http://www.confessionsofaparent.com/an-open-letter-to-an-apprehensive-pre-adoptive-father/

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2 thoughts on “An Open Letter To An Apprehensive Pre-Adoptive Father (and then my views)

  1. This is really beautiful. I can totally relate. In our choices to parenthood sometimes there are multiple and conflicting feelings happening at once that have nothing to do with each other! CRAZY, huh? . Steve is the last in his very long family line. I wasn’t able to carry it on. It was a lot of weight and pain on my shoulders and sadness, for him at first. With our kids here, I know we are very much passing along ourselves and our son is very proud to be a Thompson. I love the line of your child’s biological family being beside you along the way. It has been amazing for us. I hope your new family branch finds you soon. I appreciate your male point of view after so many years of not hearing men stepping up and sharing their feelings about this. Really cool. Thanks! Lisa T.

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  2. Thank you for responding to my interpretation. I do feel that its important for the male’s to have a point of view. I am pretty intouch with my emotions and feelings so stuff like this has to come out one way or another. I did piggy-back off of the writter, so it is not all me, but as you can see I pointed out where I differered. I hope you are also “friends” with us on our adoption facebook page that can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/andrewandstephanieadopt — thank you for your kind words! -Andy

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