I saw this article posted on several sites over the last week or so and finally read it. It was AMAZING to read! We have already talked to several potential birth mothers and some have chosen to parent while others have chosen other couples. Neither scenario is easy to deal with, and it makes you wonder when they choose another family what you could have done/said differently to be chosen. You know in your head that you are who you are and there will be some birth family out there that will love us and choose us to be their child’s adoptive parents, but in your heart you just feel like you could have done something different to have a different result.
This article is from a birth mother who placed a child for adoption and had chosen one family over another that she had talked to. It kind of goes into her struggle during the process of deeming one family as the right one to be chosen, while the other family is not chosen.
As a potential adoptive parent you can sometimes forget all the things that the expecting parents/birth families might be going through other than the biggest piece: of deciding to place their child for adoption in the first place. Birth moms could be faced with family that is not supportive of her choice, she could have a hard time finding and selecting the right family because there are so many choices, trying to figure out how to handle the situation with her other children (if she has them), she could be having a difficult pregnancy, and on and on can be things she is dealing with.
As a potential adoptive parent I haven’t had to face the same challenges as a birth mom in making these decisions, just like she hasn’t had to go through what we have gone through on our adoption journey. It is good to keep it in perspective and when we are matched with a birth mother try and help be her support system if she wants/needs it from us.
The article is here if you want to read it.